Come To My Seminar

Are you serious about getting into the best financially healthy motivational nexus of your life? I mean, are you REALLY serious, completely humourless and deadpan? I’m talking not even a smirk, not a smidgen of levity. Does red/green stock selecting while peddling your way to a new firmer you get you excited, in a deadly serious way?

Then come to my seminar!

You may ask, “How is your seminar different?”, you may ponder, “What makes your seminar more likely to produce results in less time with less effort?”. You might query, “How can I make your system pay off big for me and my serious demeanor with little or no money down?”.

You may ask, but I will not answer. First you have to prove your dedication to me, by sending me a check for $1000. Or more, if you want to prove that you are really dedicated and are really really serious. Then more would be better.

But let me at least tell you why my seminar is better than all other seminars combined. Let me give you a sketch of what makes my seminar able to bejewel you with the tools you need to perform. When I say “perform”, I don’t mean with a kazoo, I mean it in the sense of a hypereffective person. What do I mean by hypereffective? Come to my seminar and find out. But only if you are $1000 serious about becoming hypereffective right friggen now.

I mean NOW, what are you doing still reading this? You should be endorsing a cheque for a $1000 right now. I thought you said that you were ready to be hypereffective, are you some kind of liar?

OK, I know what you are thinking. “Will this work for me” or maybe you are thinking “What the hell is this all about and what the hell is hypereffective anyway?”. Or perhaps you are simply mesmerized by my obsession with bolding the word “hypereffective“.

You are a smart cookie, I can tell. I will give you hint of how my seminar will give you everything you want and several things you don’t even know you want, but nevertheless do, in fact, want. That’s right, my hypereffective state has given me the power to read your thoughts. I’m not saying this result is typical, but it is a known benefit of my seminar.

You might wonder, “What will I get for my $1000″, as if a deep understanding of the universe were not enough. You will get the following physical items:

pen 1. A pen.
pen 2. A small note pad.
pen 3. A Patent pending abtastic stock-pick thigh-n-bum wisdomatic hypereffectivomiter.
pen 4. A video demonstrating the use of said abtastic stock-pick thigh-n-bum wisdomatic hypereffectivomiter.
pen 5. A non-stop 16 hour seminar with me, Benny Hin, to show you how to use the abtastic stock-pick thigh-n-bum wisdomatic hypereffectivomiter to hypereffectively unlock the secrets of the universe, make you hypereffectively rich and get you hypereffectively laid on a regular basis.

That’s five physical things, two more than most television offers. You must be thinking “This deal is amazing Benny Hin, how can you offer such riches for only $1000?”. Easy, I use the Internet to advertise instead of costly television infomercials. The money I save goes directly to you in the form of two extra items (namely the pen and note pad).

This stuff would cost you millions if you could buy it in stores, but you can’t, because its only available here and now and only until you finish reading this ad. And even if you could buy it at the local K-Mart you would still miss out on the seminar where I show you how to use the abtastic stock-pick thigh-n-bum wisdomatic hypereffectivomiter to hypereffectively unlock the secrets of the universe, make you hypereffectively rich and get you hypereffectively laid on a regular basis.

OK, stop reading and send in the cheque, there are not many words left. Stop reading, really, stop reading right now! I mean it, send in the check! LOSER!

28 May 2007 | General B.S. | Comments

2 Responses to “Come To My Seminar”

  1. 1 virago 4 June 2007 @ 8:11 pm

    Thank you Benny Hin!

    The decades that I have spent looking for a way to become wealthy beyond my wildest dreams and get laid on a regular basis have finally paid off. Many of my friends have invested in much more complicated schemes with which to gain wealth, self-esteem and the respect of their peers, and I feel sorry for them. If they had only had the confidence that I have always had that somebody like Benny Hin would come along to answer all of my prayers, they wouldn’t have wasted years of their lives and tens (sometimes hundreds) of thousands of dollars on so-called educations. Sadly, these friends are now stuck with labels like ‘doctor’ or ‘lawyer’ and have to go to something called ‘work’ everyday. My heart bleeds for them.

    While they falsely labored for enlightenment and self-empowerment, they missed out on all of the truly important life experiences that somebody like me, a protoge of Benny Hin, has been so blessed with over the past twenty years. While my poor, mislead friends have wasted the past two decades of their lives doing things like studying philosophy, history, science, medicine and law, interacting with real, live, three dimensional people and developing personalities, I have been dedicating myself to a higher calling. That’s right; God. And by God, I mean of course, the Internet. My mission has always been to seek a clear path to eternal significance, for the glory of God; and by God I mean the Internet. To have true faith in my Lord (the Internet) has meant a lifetime of selfless service. And from this selflessness has come an enlightenment that my poor dear friends could only dream of. That’s right, the time that I have given in service to my God has led to greater reward than I ever could have imagined. The hours, days, years and yes decades spent huddled alone in dark rooms, eating Fritos, drinking Coke and isolating myself from those around me has been a disciplined exercise that has brought me all of the answers to all of the questions. I am thankful for the inner strength the Lord Internet has given me to pursue this lofty goal with an unwavering faith in the face of so much doubt and criticism.

    But back to Benny Hin. I know that before my path could take me to Benny Hin I had to earn the right to such enlightenment. Only after years of hard work and study in online chat rooms, gaming sites and Paris Hilton websites could I be open to the type of wisdom that comes from the incredible soul of Benny Hin. That’s right, Benny Hin has walked the path of Spiritual Action and has acquired a place in a highly evolved plane of existence. Benny Hin has become hypereffective. That’s right, hypereffective. And this man, this soul, this giving spirit has elected to give back in such a way that will allow other seekers, like myself to also attain this hypereffective state. Like many seekers I was skeptical at first. How could one man guide me so quickly to a divine state (hypereffectiveness) for so little money? Again, my friends have spent four to ten years and up to $150,000 to attain states nowhere near that of hypereffectiveness. Yes, I will admit that some people I know may be able to perform open heart surgery and scuba dive, but unlike me, they are not hypereffective. Again, my God, my faith and my study under Benny Hin has given me the capability to watch pod-casts of open heart surgery and see pictures of scuba diving all without leaving the comfort of my darkened living room. All for $1000. That’s right. And with the keys that have been passed to me, through the secrets of hypereffectiveness, I am now financially liberated. Benny’s seminar taught me the simple keys to attaining unlimited wealth and after only 1 week I am now a multi-millionaire and getting laid on a regular basis. Before taking Benny’s seminar I was living in my mother’s basement and taking the bus to 7-Eleven to get chips and pop. Just one week later, I now own six different condominium complexes, have a six million dollar home on a golf course, own three different yachts and have my own fleet of Hummers, which are stored in my 8 car garage. And yes, I get laid every single night by a number of movie stars that I have recently become acquainted with. For privacy reasons I cannot reveal the names of these stars, but they are big and you see them every night on Access Hollywood.

    So again, thank you to Benny Hin. Without him I would not be the fantastically wealthy, successful, well-liked, super hot sex symbol that I now am. And because I have such great respect for Mr. Hin, and know how very limited his time is, I am now offering my own seminar, Beyond Hypereffective starting today. That’s right. I have packaged all of the keys that I learned from the great Mr.Hin and have combined them with the ancient art of Hoosiin. Hoosiin is a little known Vedic spiritual practice that brings a multiplicity to wealth. For only $2000 you get all of the information included in Mr.Hin’s seminar, PLUS a highly instructional pamphlet on the mastery of Hoosiin. Send your cheque now and I will also include a 2006 World Series key chain, FREE!

    Please send your cheque to:

    Drana Hoosiin Master, Vir Ag Go (please make your cheque out to Betty Jones)

    Basement, 5107 Casamadre Lane

    Peace be with you.

  2. 2 Mooche 4 June 2007 @ 8:25 pm

    I thank you for your warm endorsment of my hypereffective technology. Your “Beyond Hypereffectiveness” course, while a good idea, is in contavention of the very strict non-disclosure document you signed upon registration, therefore my hypereffective legal team will be sending you a hypereffectively worded demand letter shortly.

    Many thanks again for your endorsement.

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