The Art of Inarticulation
Inarticulation has been the very cornerstone of teenage culture since I can remember. I have been fretting about on this rock for more years than I can remember so you can take it from me, the penchant for verbal pause has been the earmark of youth.
The important part about youthful speech is to ensure that one’s remarks remain wholly enigmatic to the listener. There are many way to achieve this desired effect. Among them are: The Mumble, Invention, and Dilution.
The mumble was invented in the 50’s and 60’s. The goal is to speak as lowly as possible or with the use of a muffling device held close to the mouth. Its a fine line, as its important that the other person can be certain that you are in fact speaking and not chewing on some old bit of food recently dislodged from a molar. There has to an audible speech-like patter, just not one where the words can be deciphered. Before the 50’s, this sort of behaviour would have led to some severe physical punishment but with the advent of new child rearing principles the mollycoddled boomer kids got away clean with this and are now reaping the same from their children.
Invention is a blado way of subing new “speaks” that are exacto synonymios for speaks that the ear might be coz with. This has a simulo effect on the ear as been the dude gettin service at d’ ol tv mart.Yo crystal hearin all of the speaks but they like some crazy polyglot of compression waves. The bess bitties is had when solid speaks are main lined but as if the talkiewalkie is faded by the mumsie to fasco binny.
Dilution sort of like consists of, you know, like injecting totally unneeded words or like sounds into, you know, speech such that like, the listener, is like so totally tried by the, you know, sort of suspenseful fuckin delivery that they fuckin give fuckin up and fuckin seek fuckin something fuckin more fuckin entertaining like, you know, root fuckin canal fuckin therapy. Everyone so totally injects the odd, like, fuckin, you know, “um” or fuckin “uh” into their fuckin speech, but fuck, it fuckin takes a totally real fuckin psychopath, for sure, to, you know, ensure that, like, every fuckin second fuckin word is fuckin meaningless fuckin content.
Wa evah!
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