BC-STV Explained
Its election time in British Columbia and this year we have the usual exciting choices for the provincial strata-council.
What’s really exciting is that this year we have the choice of changing our electoral system from the current FPP (First Person Pleasure) system to the new STV (Sexually Transmitted Vote) system.
These systems are quite simple and easy to explain.
The current FPP system requires that you hang around a bunch of parties, buying drinks and scoping out the action. Sometimes the place is filled with a bunch of gomers and the only option left is a night of heavy drinking. If you are lucky you will find someone that excites you. At this point you might have trouble getting through the crowd that naturally forms around these people or perhaps they don’t live near you anyway so a relationship is out of the question.
In any event, what usually happens is that the person you like ends up going home with Rod “frakin” Boyle, captain of the hockey team or Sylvie “the slut” Simmons, mean girl. All depending on which is your MOTAS (member of the appropriate sex). In the end you can be content with the fact that someone is gettin some and maybe some day you’ll get yours, but you can’t help being disappointed. Unless, of course you ARE Rod “frakin” Boyle then life’s just one big shag fest.
By contrast, the STV system ensures that everyone gets laid, just maybe not to the person they intended. With STV you go to one big party where you are guaranteed to find someone you like because everyone who is ANYONE is there.
Now instead of scoping out the babe of choice and “going hard in the bar” you are given the option of selecting a large number of possible mates on a form, handed out at the door. Now, if Sylvie is your first choice and you have been faithfully choosing her and her alone for years then you may choose the “no condom” option on the form. Otherwise this choice is not available and you have to mark your choice in the “condom” column.
Next you have to pencil in the number of months since you last got any, whether you live at home with your parents and if you like long walks on the beach.
The forms are then fed into a computer dating service which has a dizzying array of blinking lights. This computer then pronounces that Sylvie will be leaving with Gregory Holstein, who everyone knows is gay and Rod is paired with the overweight American exchange student, serves him right. You have been chosen to leave with the DJ who’s face looks like a tattooed pin cushion.
That pretty much sums it up.
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